Praying mantis

So I've officially made it to community. Siem Bouk, this tiny little village in the province of Stung Treng.

Am I having a great time? The time of my life? Once in a lifetime opportunity?

Not so much.

As I write this I'm googling the cheapest way to get out of Cambodia and back to the UK. Apparently a quick stop over in Syria might be the answer. 

Don't get me wrong, Siem Bouk is amazing. I'm currently looking out across the Mekong, the river directly next to the village, which I can even see from my bedroom window. The placement of this little village couldn't be better, 30-40 little wooden huts in a straight line alongside the river. We shower from river water, wipe our bums with river water and I wouldn't be surprised if we were drinking river water. It's so green and yesterday there was a  bearded dragon in my room. I've seriously found my zen. 

But (and I'm trying my best to be as un negative as possible right now), the volunteering work I'm doing here is shit. I am working 8-5 every single day to *drum roll please*

Write a report.

None of this amazing and worthwhile building libraries, and teaching pupils and offering support to families that can't afford to send their children to school that was advertised, and actually needs doing. Instead, we have to write a report. 

I'm not here to do the work, I'm just here to write about it. And I can't help thinking what a waste of money it is, us coming all the way to Cambodia for something we could have done from the UK. 

Money is being wasted left, right and centre here, on silly things like a farewell party for us when we're finished. That's lovely, but that's not actually what we're here for. 

It's making me really loose faith in the international development sector. I have some serious future life prospects re evaluating to be doing. This whole scheme that I'm doing right now just seems like a way for the British government to say they're spending money on international aid without actually aiding anyone but the CV's of their own citizens.

What a messed up and annoying country we live in. 

'Try to remain positive' I tell myself everyday as I desperately cry into my bowl of rice (that people here eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner by the way). But that's hard when I've come all the way here to work an 8-5 office job. I don't get to see much of the sun (I think I'll be going back paler then when I came), explore much of the country, or even leave this little village. 

A praying mantis did visit me the other day though, on my bike. 

A symbol of patience.

We're not even two weeks into this trip (although I feel like I've been here years), maybe the work will improve.

Or maybe I'm gana be eating bowls of rice filled with my tears for the next two months.