Weird

This is all just a really weird experience. 

My host Mum keeps telling me through sign language that I need to eat more food to be strong. She also keeps telling me when to shower. I'm not so sure she understands that I'm twenty, and am now at this point quite independent. One might even say adult. Although I'm not being treated like one here.

Life here is cool. I even prefer the squat toilet situation to western toilets. I also now have a pet dog that I've named Jeb, and cute little tadpoles in my bathing water. I was rapidly loosing weight here until I discovered fullos (cute little chocolate wafers). I have a feeling I'll probably go home heavier then I came now. 

And that's saying something considering I'm biking for at least half an hour each day, and

I seriously think I'm going to go home soon. 

(Be prepared for some more negativity right now).

I keep telling myself 'stay for the CV points,' but if I'm honest I really don't think it's all that worth it. It would be great if I felt the volunteer work I was doing was actually worth it and (not to be cliche) making a difference. And it would also be worth it if I was getting to explore Cambodia. But, I've explored about all I can in this rural little village.

I went for a bike ride further out but the villagers told VSO/ICS staff it was too far. I'm being told on by the villagers, like a naughty little school kid.

I don't think the concept of adulthood is widely understood here. I'm twenty years old, I've lived alone for a year. But here, I feel like my independence has been taken away. My host mum even taught me how to wash up before letting me near the kitchen sink.

 I stared in amazement watching her, 

'Wow! So you use the sponge to clean the bowl!'

Because I've obviously never washed up in my life.

It's got to the point where I feel extremely unmotivated to do anything. Living here is amazing, it's such a cool experience. But, I feel trapped in this tiny little village, and if I was travelling it would definitely be time to move on. 

I keep coming up with project ideas so I can actually do things but they keep getting shot down. Instead I've had to attend meetings with village leaders, but unfortunately, I don't speak Khmer so I just sit like a wet cloth watching two people speak a language that I don't know.

Which begs a major question,
Why have they sent me here?

I'm seriously loosing faith in my chosen career path of international development, is it always like this? 

I'm really not doing anything right now. 

And this is nothing against Cambodia, because it's amazing here. 40 degree heat, palm trees, and pineapple on tap. I will definitely be visiting again. 

But there is one plus side to this whole situation. I've had so much time on my hands, I've nearly caught up on Love Island. 




Comments

  1. Become a writer instead ..you have defo found your new vocation...x

    ReplyDelete

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